Proudly Igbo

Igbo kwenu!
Igbo Kwenu!
Anambra Kwenu!
Nnewi Kwezuonuooooo!

I am a proud Igbo girl. I am proud of the language, the culture, the traditions and the history. My parents tried their best to bring us up to embrace who we are and where we come from. I am proud to see young Igbo boys and girls agitating to go back to traditions and learn our history. There is nothing to be ashamed of  in who we are, where we come from, our history, religion and way of life. In as much as I love everything Igbo, there are many facets of the culture, religion and language that I do not know and I am open to learn about. The first question that I want to pose to those who would be kind enough to have a non-biased discussion is on the issue of ‘Umu Nna’.
I heard that the ‘Umu Nna’ are central to us as Igbos. They are our kindreds, those who stand for their own, fight for their own, support their own and are there in all celebrations -happy or sad. My questions thus is ‘can we do without them’?
I mean, Umu Nna that is not supportive and that does not do anything for their own, is that one an Umu nna? The constant hatred, gossiping, backbiting, plotting, scheming, killing and just pure wickedness cannot be normal within the Umu Nna! Some of you may be lucky that you have amazing umu nna. However, not everyone does.
Now that we are in the year 2017, can we do without negative Umu Nna? Some of us are so disconnected from these people, we have nothing in common and are strangers basically. Some friends are more family than blood and that would be my next post.
Please do share your knowledge and wisdom on this. What is the use of Umu Nna if they are spiteful and not on your side? Sometimes, some relationships cannot be repaired, so what do you do if one does not want any relationship with these people?

This paper was submitted by LS.

Achievement and its social constructivism

Have you ever fallen out with someone and the next thing that they spew at you is “At your age, you have not achieved anything”?
Well, I have!
This statement really got me baffled, I must say!

What is achievement and who defines it? At what age must one achieve what and when?
These were some of the questions that ran through my ‘medula oblongata’.
For many of my friends and acquaintances, they self-reflect on their birthdays and go through their lives, sometimes, sad, that compared to their peers, they have not achieved much!
So, in many of our lives, we already reflect on frequent basis, be it on our birthdays or at the end of the year.

So, back to my main earlier point of reflection, who determines that you are a failure at your age?
So, because these irrelevant people that use this rhetoric as an insult, have an idea of what an achievement should be or look like, then, that becomes universal?
Hence, in their parochial minds, achievement should be in form of popularity, money, houses, cars, show off,  for women, you ought to be a slay queen fixing the latest Brazilian and Peruvian hair with the telephone numbers of top Nigerian politicians as ‘Alobam’?
If you don’t fit into some of these, you are a loser o!
It does not matter what your own definition of success and achievement is, theirs is the ultimate!

Do these people with limited thinking not understand that achievement is not only a social construct that is subject to change, it is also subjective.
I have met people that their sole aim in life has little to do with wealth. I have met people that achievement is just being recognized and appreciated for what they do.

So, how then, can that same subjective construct be used as an insult?
These insults are usually harangued by people with low self-esteem, those who are in secret competition with you, following you everywhere, monitoring your moves just to know where you are in life. God forbid that you achieve any of the things that they believe that you would never achieve, they would have stomach ache, diarrhoea, heart palpitations and attacks!

Their next strategy would be to enfeeble who you are and your achievements. “Is it not that yeye girl when we were in university, she was a block head” or “abeg, na that one be achievement@ Person wey we know how dirty she was at uni”.
My message to the underdogs there is, never ever give up! Stay true to yourself and never try to be what others want you to be. If your definition of achievement is to be happy in what you do, go for it!

Define you and stand strong!
What counts most is you and knowing what you stand for!

This write-up was submitted by LS. Please feel free to submit any article for consideration.

Single and Happy

There is an old ‘insult’ for the single ladies, which, to me is now redundant. That uneducated and parochial statement that Neanderthals purport through their mediocre thinking that harangues “go and marry”! How redundant is that? In making this point, I will agree to commit the offence of tautology here because that is the only way that some of those guilty of this offense will get it into their thick skulls that some women would rather remain single than end up settling with or compromising with a man who has nothing in common with them.

This patriarchal rhetoric that suggests that any lady of a certain age who is not married is a loser is so redundant, honestly! Who gets offended over these? I mean, which educated, enlightened, intelligent, successful woman gives this type of insult any thought? In fact, smart women find this insult laughable!  You normally find these insults when low lives – men and women, who cannot hold an intelligent argument resort to name calling, shaming those that they want or think that they could bring down. God help the lady in the firing line that she is loud, outspoken, bold, confident, rich and happy. The insults that these nonentities would heap on her would be so shameful that you begin to wonder what type of boys and men women are bringing up these days.  How can someone in their own small world really believe that all single women are empty without a man?

How many times would intelligent women say to all of those who use this as an insult that it is not an insult and we cannot be shamed?

How can a woman who is happy in her own life, her own decisions, feel shame? Even if she is unhappy, the story of her life is none of anyone’s business. I will not even touch the stories of married women in miserable marriages to prove my point. You know those marriages that you can’t be yourself, express yourself, go where you want to go to without having multiple heart attacks about what the man would say or do, where the man is a proper aggressive egoistical animal that physically attacks you just to show that he is the man. Mba nu! No way! The choice of being single remains with the single and until she finds the right man for her, she will not settle!

Another stupid thing some idiotic people think is an insult is to call a woman an ‘Ashawo’ or a prostitute’. I mean how stupid is that? Is it your Ashawo? Since you are not God and not in any way holy, let God be the judge! I just can’t deal or handle being on the defensive about my lifestyle. Whatever I chose to do is my business. If it hurts you, change the channel.

As for being vocal, loud, self-confident and assertive, that will never stop.  I will continue to live this life on my own terms, I will express myself however I want to and be only answerable to me and God. I shall NEVER be stifled! Bring on all my sins and wrong doings to the world to judge, shame and mock me, I shall NEVER be bullied, stifled or intimidated!

And for those ageists out there especially those women who abuse other women of being old. Well done! You will not get old, right? Except you die in the age that you are right now, every day, you age. Your own old age is coming too. If you like, don’t get it into your thick skull that aging is a blessing. A wonderful thing. How many of your agemates are alive and celebrated their birthdays? How many are of good health?
To summarise, please mind your own life, your holy life and leave the single, the ‘old women’ and the ashawo’s alone! Let God be the judge! Have a lovely day!
This write-up was submitted by LS. Please do feel free to submit your articles for publishing.

THE EVIL OF COMPARISON

The evil of people’s heart
I was moved to write this piece because of some incidents that I witnessed in the last few days. The need for some people to constantly monitor your life and secretly compare. As long as they think that they have an advantage, the secretly lurk around your life to mock, jeer, gossip and laugh at you hoping that you never make it in life.

There are some people very close to you that secretly despise and hate everything that you are. They hide as your friend and behind you, plot to destroy you. There is no reason for this other than insecurity. They envy the person that you are, the way you smile, your intelligence, your people skill, any small thing that even you do not notice about yourself.

They lurk about and hide in your social media as friends, like your photos, put up positive messages about you on their walls but secretly, they hate and despise you. They so want you to fail in life. Any tears and stories that you may have shared with them in confidence is stored somewhere in their head to use against you when they have the opportunity. Any tears of failure are used to mock and jeer at you. And the gossip? They find like minded people that despise you too to gossip, find a sin to put on you so that in their demented minds they would have a reason to ‘hang the dog’.

You see, most times, the people that despise you are those closest to you. Extended family members, ‘bestie of life’ and ‘ride and die’ kind of friends, that if you find out how they have traduced your name, you would fear humans.

So, I come back to those that monitor you and constantly secretly compare their lives to yours. Have you ever had a fight with your so-called ‘ride and die’ friend, an extended relation who is on your Facebook page and they begin to mention aspects of your life that you did not even know that anyone could keep tabs on? They come back at you on how many posts you make on Facebook and how you have not achieved anything in your life. They try to bring you down by comparing you and your achievement to your age mates. You can now see how your posts on social media has been killing them because they mention how you boast on social media and have nothing to show for it. With their words of attack, you begin to understand the level of hatred that they have for you, you begin to understand how little achievements that you thought you were sharing with your ‘friends’ were in fact, killing them and giving them nightmares. Oh, they try to make small your achievements because it makes them feel good. Least I forget, if you are single, they attack you with that and tell you how your life is worthless!

I have seen nasty things like these happen to people. I have had people talk of their own experiences.
What to do when any of the above scenarios happen. I give three basic suggestions that you could do.
    •    Cut off from such toxic person. No need to exchange words. These people have expertise in mudslinging. You don’t. Don’t even attempt to go there. Any threats made, keep all as evidence and take to the police. There are groups that you could ask for a good solicitor’s contact details. Go the route of the law. Do not by any means, delete your Facebook account. Stand strong. No one has the authority to bully you to silence and no one has the monopoly of being evil. Stand with all dignity. Stand I say. If you were wrong, stand still and find a way to amend your wrong. Let them go low. No one is saying that you should take a cue from Michelle Obama’s speech that says “when they go low, we go high”. But fight back with the law and even though you get nowhere at the end, you have made your statement that you are no walk over and no one can dictate how you run your life. No one can shame you unless you give your consent.
    •    Talk to yourself. Encourage yourself. Never believe in the lies of those that despise you! Never! No matter what they sling at you, you should never be fazed. Believe that you are the best of you. You are in the best place now. You may not be where you want to be, but you are taking steps to get to where you want to be. Your age is an achievement. Not all your age mates have celebrated their birthdays in good health, many have gone to be with their maker and as long as you have life, it is not over! Look at yourself in the mirror and believe in yourself. Achievements are constructed subjectively. For some, just being in good health is all they want in this life, others, money and wealth, for some, marriage and children and for some peace of mind. Each to his own! No one has the authority to bring their low self-esteem to you by comparing your life to others or theirs. No! You define your own achievement and be content in what you have and where you are.
    •    Marriage is not an achievement. Yep, I said so! Some women are married and their lives have been destroyed because of it. Some hide the scars very well. Some are in good marriages. But, it is not the be all and end all. It is just one of those things if you meet someone who you believe deserves you, you go into. It is not something that one can compromise to get into. It is certainly not what should be used to shame you!

Feel free to share your experiences and give more ways to deal with those who constantly compare themselves to you.

This was submitted by a guest writer. Please feel free to submit any write-up for publication.