I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS

Well, after all said and done, here I am. Like my Pastor rightly said, I am a work in progress. I have come a long way. I am not where I want to be yet, but I am not where I used to be. I am in a better place. I am a happy person now, I am living the life I have always wanted, things are falling into the right places. I am now more about making healthier lifestyle choices, portion control and exercises. I jog, run and drink loads of water.

If I can do it, anybody else can. It's all about hard work, dedication and determination. Everyday will never be the same. Some days you feel motivated and inspired and some days, you just feel like giving up and not doing anything. Keep on, the light is just at the end of the tunnel.

I used to be a size 24(UK) and now I am a size 16(UK). I am aiming for a size 12(UK) or 10(UK). I was 125kg, and right now I am 106kg and I am aiming for 75kg. Remember, I am a work in progress.

I got my grove back. What's your excuse? None. You can do it.

I am happy in myself. I am confident. I am proud of my achievements. I enjoy life, I enjoy the good things in life. I love taking pictures, my family and friends can attest to that. I love having fun in general.  

Enjoy my current and latest pictures.

  

Today 11th July 2016

Saturday 9th July 2016

3rd July 2016

That is it. Hard work does really pay. I will continue to work hard towards my goals. 

My weight loss struggles and challenges

After my dear GP refused to prescribe the slimming tablets for me, I walked out of his office disappointed but I was determined to lose the weight. He told me that I could do it, and yes, I could do it.

Things started falling into place for me. A great miracle and testimony happened in my life. My life was headed on the right path. I started with the shakes, I was diligently taking them and drinking loads of water. I would drink about 3 liters of water and then 1 liter of green tea. I stepped on the scale and I couldn't believe it, I had dropped down to 19.3 stones. I was one happy girl.

I started working hard. I made peace with the gym and I started loving the gym more. I started attending the gym classes like spin, pure fat burn, box fit and boot camp. Before I knew it, the weight started to fall off. I was no longer breathless, didn't have the sore joints and knees, I became very active and was always at the gym.

There was a time I suffered from bulimia. I was severely bulimic. I was obsessed with being slim. I had a personal trainer who I paid 300 pounds for 6 personal training sessions, sessions I could have done on my own and saved my money. Anyway, my personal trainer was good. He noticed that something was wrong with me and I opened up to him and told him I was bulimic and that I couldn't keep my food down. Immediately I ate something, I would drink a glass of water and escape a few minutes later and look for the nearest toilet and the rest is history. It didn't matter what I ate, I just had to remove it from my system. He asked me if I've heard of hypnotherapy and that it would help me stop being bulimic. I told him that I have heard of it but that I have never done that. He now gave my details to the hypnotherapist and she called me to come in for a free one hour session. After having the discussions with the hypnotherapist, she told me to come in for the proper hypnotherapy where she will put me in a mini trance and I have to pay 70 pounds for a session, I ran away. Anything could go wrong. What if I go into a trance and start seeing dead people, or I come out of the trance and never be the same again? I was scared and that time, I wasn't a strong Christian like I am now. This weight loss quest will not put me in trouble.

I still struggle with bulimia. The thing is that now, I have control of it to some extent now and I have learnt to deal with it on my own. A friend once suspected that I was bulimic. She noticed the pattern that I always left the dining room immediately after eating. So she followed me one day and she caught me. I pleaded with her not to tell anybody. She told me I needed help and I agreed that I needed help. I then confided in my "SISTERS WITH VOICES" about my being bulimic. They prayed for me and encouraged me and they didn't have to judge me.

I started looking for permanent solutions to lose weight. I made inquiries about weight loss surgery and researched on gastric bypass surgery, liposuction and tummy tuck. I actually contacted a few clinics and they sent me some brochures, but then I was scared of surgery. What if I never wake up after the surgery? I shifted that thought aside.

Then I started looking for slimming pills online and on Amazon.co.uk. If it has slimming on it, I sure would buy them. I bought slimming gums, which never worked for me and I chewed them for a moth, horrible taste. I tried Xenical, which was prescribed for me by my GP. The downside of the medication was that the oil from your meals leaked from your bottom, so you have to always wear pant liners or a towel to contain the leak and please don't wear white clothes if you don't want to be embarrassed. I tried Alli, which was the same thing as Xenical, which contained orlisat. I used XLS medical which claimed to help you lose weight, but none of them worked for me. I was desperate.

I started craving for attention. I was seeking the attention from the wrong places but it made me happy. I was struggling, I struggled, trying to accept me for myself. It came to a point whereby I hated myself, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I said to myself, why am I even looking at myself when nobody else was looking at me. The thing is that I always appeared to be happy, I put on my charming smile and nobody would know the struggles I was fighting and putting up with. I needed the attention.

At last. I got the attention I was seeking. I met this guy, a military guy, he was in The British Air Force. I wasn't attracted to him one bit, but Gosh, I was getting all the attention. He didn't care that I was fat, he thought I was gorgeous.  He was spoiling me with gifts and took me out to the best restaurants, took me shopping. I was in paradise and that was me getting all the attention. He asked me to be his woman, I quickly said yes without even thinking. Little did I know what was in stock for me. What else could a woman want? A man who worships her, takes her to the best restaurants, takes her shopping and is there at the press of a button? Hmmmm..... Thank God I didn't lose my life. This guy almost strangled me and it was and is The Grace of God that saved me. I was dying, in fact he gripped my neck so hard, held my neck tightly and I struggled to breathe, I felt myself going to the great beyond. To him that was passion..... to me that was sick. He was a war veteran and maybe he thought we were at the battle field.

Sorry for digressing, it's all to do with me trying to accept my weight and feeling wanted.
This was me on the 29th of May 2016 at my heaviest. I had just lost 3 kgs and weighed 19.3 stones and 122 kg.

To be continued......

I was called the fattest girl. Pictures you weren't meant to see.

Have you ever been described as 'the biggest and fattest girl' in church or in a gathering? Imagine being described as that wherever you go. People judge you instantly by your size and most times, will not want to be associated with you because you are 'fat' and not 'attractive'. That was me. I was that girl who was described as being very fat. Most of these people didn't care to know if I had a good heart or not, but they already judged me by my size and not my 'content'.

I've had a few people tell me that I am too fat and that no man would like to marry a fat girl. I thought that was too shallow. I spoke to my pastor about this and he told me to ignore such people. People have choices and preferences. I have also had 2 guys tell me that I am fat and ugly and that they will only 'pity me and date me since no one will'. Well, I told them to go hit their heads on the wall for all I care.

I began comfort eating. I was living in denial of my actual weight and size. I would consume a whole chicken, not literally though and I would hit the gym and play on the machines for a few minutes and try to make excuses for not working out. I had a terrible eating lifestyle. I would buy Haribos, Revels, all sorts of chocolates and biscuits and eat them all. Then I would go to an Indian sweets store on Oxford Road, Reading and buy traditional Indian sweets and eat them all. I was addicted to Pepsi, I could drink a 2 liter bottle within minutes and still want some more. I couldn't stop my sweets cravings. I had to have Pepsi or Mirinda everyday. The pound shop was my favorite as I would just buy loads of sweets and drinks. Deep inside of me, I knew it was wrong and I knew I was doing more harm than good to myself, but I was past caring. I was in my own world and I liked it there, or so I thought.

I would convince myself that I would start dieting on Monday, and Monday never came, because I always gave myself the same excuses every Monday. I would have eaten something before the end of the day. I tried to withdraw from Pepsi and sweets, and I started having withdrawal symptoms. I would start shaking and I would raid all the cupboards looking for something sweet to curb my cravings. I started taking sparkling water, and I loved the fizzy feeling and it was good for my throat as it had the same effect of Pepsi and Mirinda, only that it was just water. It took me 6 months of procrastination to finally come to terms with my weight and to do something about it. I was doing it for myself and for nobody else.

When I finally decided to start my diet, I was 19.6 stones. I couldn't believe it. I was 125 kg. I screamed. All my clothes didn't fit anymore. I had to keep repeating clothes and wearing leggings all the time as I couldn't fit into my tights anymore. I was ashamed of myself and I was no longer comfortable with my size. I was a whooping size 24 dress size. I felt so shapeless, I had a big tummy, large amount of fat around my bottom, big arms, fat face and thunderous thighs.

When I go to the shops to buy clothes, I couldn't even try a size 20 as it was too small for me. Then I felt "fat and ugly". I thank God for my sisters. They encouraged me, they always told me I was beautiful and that I can do it. I started dieting, it was difficult, the first few days were difficult, but I was determined and I never gave up. Gradually, the weight stated falling off. I was tempted with assorted meat and food, but I resisted the temptation of food. I told myself that the food will always be there. I would be on a strict diet from Monday to Saturday and then I am off my diet on Sunday, which is my "cheat" day and I can eat whatever I want. It keeps me motivated and it makes me stick more to the diet as I always look forward to Sundays.

I was trying so hard to be loved and accepted by people, then I just said to myself, enough..... I just have to be me. You either like me or you don't and that is it.

I went to my doctor and told him to please prescribe slimming tablets for me. He looked at me and told me that he won't. He told me that I have done it before and I can do it again. He said, that I should take control of my life and lose the weight. That was what I did. I took control. I am a work in progress as my Pastor always tells me.

To be continued......