I was called the fattest girl. Pictures you weren't meant to see.

Have you ever been described as 'the biggest and fattest girl' in church or in a gathering? Imagine being described as that wherever you go. People judge you instantly by your size and most times, will not want to be associated with you because you are 'fat' and not 'attractive'. That was me. I was that girl who was described as being very fat. Most of these people didn't care to know if I had a good heart or not, but they already judged me by my size and not my 'content'.

I've had a few people tell me that I am too fat and that no man would like to marry a fat girl. I thought that was too shallow. I spoke to my pastor about this and he told me to ignore such people. People have choices and preferences. I have also had 2 guys tell me that I am fat and ugly and that they will only 'pity me and date me since no one will'. Well, I told them to go hit their heads on the wall for all I care.

I began comfort eating. I was living in denial of my actual weight and size. I would consume a whole chicken, not literally though and I would hit the gym and play on the machines for a few minutes and try to make excuses for not working out. I had a terrible eating lifestyle. I would buy Haribos, Revels, all sorts of chocolates and biscuits and eat them all. Then I would go to an Indian sweets store on Oxford Road, Reading and buy traditional Indian sweets and eat them all. I was addicted to Pepsi, I could drink a 2 liter bottle within minutes and still want some more. I couldn't stop my sweets cravings. I had to have Pepsi or Mirinda everyday. The pound shop was my favorite as I would just buy loads of sweets and drinks. Deep inside of me, I knew it was wrong and I knew I was doing more harm than good to myself, but I was past caring. I was in my own world and I liked it there, or so I thought.

I would convince myself that I would start dieting on Monday, and Monday never came, because I always gave myself the same excuses every Monday. I would have eaten something before the end of the day. I tried to withdraw from Pepsi and sweets, and I started having withdrawal symptoms. I would start shaking and I would raid all the cupboards looking for something sweet to curb my cravings. I started taking sparkling water, and I loved the fizzy feeling and it was good for my throat as it had the same effect of Pepsi and Mirinda, only that it was just water. It took me 6 months of procrastination to finally come to terms with my weight and to do something about it. I was doing it for myself and for nobody else.

When I finally decided to start my diet, I was 19.6 stones. I couldn't believe it. I was 125 kg. I screamed. All my clothes didn't fit anymore. I had to keep repeating clothes and wearing leggings all the time as I couldn't fit into my tights anymore. I was ashamed of myself and I was no longer comfortable with my size. I was a whooping size 24 dress size. I felt so shapeless, I had a big tummy, large amount of fat around my bottom, big arms, fat face and thunderous thighs.

When I go to the shops to buy clothes, I couldn't even try a size 20 as it was too small for me. Then I felt "fat and ugly". I thank God for my sisters. They encouraged me, they always told me I was beautiful and that I can do it. I started dieting, it was difficult, the first few days were difficult, but I was determined and I never gave up. Gradually, the weight stated falling off. I was tempted with assorted meat and food, but I resisted the temptation of food. I told myself that the food will always be there. I would be on a strict diet from Monday to Saturday and then I am off my diet on Sunday, which is my "cheat" day and I can eat whatever I want. It keeps me motivated and it makes me stick more to the diet as I always look forward to Sundays.

I was trying so hard to be loved and accepted by people, then I just said to myself, enough..... I just have to be me. You either like me or you don't and that is it.

I went to my doctor and told him to please prescribe slimming tablets for me. He looked at me and told me that he won't. He told me that I have done it before and I can do it again. He said, that I should take control of my life and lose the weight. That was what I did. I took control. I am a work in progress as my Pastor always tells me.

To be continued......